[Spoken Intro]

No, look—don’t look at me like that.

I’m not crazy. I’m observant.

There is a distinct difference between "cheating" and "networking," okay?

You guys just don’t have his vision.

You don’t have the vision, you just have the… opinions.

[Beat Drop]

[Verse 1: Fast Triplet Rap]

Okay, he didn’t text back, but his battery’s dead

Or he’s working on his mental, or he’s asleep in his bed

Or he got kidnapped by aliens, probed in the head

I’d rather believe the UFOs than what you just said.

I’m the queen of excuses, the mayor of "Maybe"

If gaslight’s a fuel, then we driving the Mercedes

He called me a "psycho," I heard "You’re my baby"

I’m connecting the dots but the picture is hazy.

[Pre-Chorus: Sassy Melodic Rap]

He smells like perfume? (That’s a new cologne)

Who is that girl? (That’s just a loan… officer)

Why is he hiding his phone?

(Mind your business, leave him alone!)

[Chorus: Jersey Club Bounce]

If denial is a river, I’m growing some gills

I’m paying the price but he’s splitting the bills

I’m swallowing lies like they’re vitamin pills

If red flags are confetti, I’m here for the thrills.

Yeah, I’m swimming.

(Just keep swimming, b****)

Deep end. No floaties.

[Verse 2: Conversational Flow]

Wait, pause.

[Silence]

Did he just change his password?

[Heavy Bass Drop]

Whatever. Guess it’s for security.

My intuition is lacking maturity.

I saw a DM from a girl named Purity?

He said she’s a bot.

I said, "She’s hot."

He said, "She’s not."

I said, "Well, what is the plot?"

[Bridge: Manic and Accelerating]

I block him (No I don't)

I unlock him (On the low)

I stalk him (To and fro)

Where’d he go? (I don't know!)

He’s loyal, he’s faithful, he’s sweet, he’s a saint

He’s painting a picture, I’m buying the paint

I’m fixing the cracks in the wall til I faint

Is he the devil? (I say that he ain't!)

[Outro: Spoken Calmly]

See? It explains everything.

He’s not toxic, he’s just… complex.

And I love a puzzle.

So… are we ordering food or are you gonna keep judging me?

(Sigh)

Pass the salt.